My Time As Chief

By Joseph Kuo

At the end of August, I stepped off the Chief Council. It was an incredible learning experience and I feel both humbled and proud to have served the men of Momentum. In fact, I can directly connect my experience to some specific improvements I now have in my life. Looking back over nearly 3 years, here are some of what I’ve learned about myself and what I will continue to work on.

What I learned about myself

• I really appreciate recognition. I don’t need kudos from many people or grand gestures of gratitude. However, it feels really good to be acknowledged by teammates who can point to how I contributed.
  A part of me recognizes the danger of depending on other people’s acknowledgement for my own fulfillment. Nonetheless, this is where I am right now.

• I’m fine being the silent contributor. Wanting recognition not withstanding, I don’t have a strong desire to be outfront and visible. To be clear, I love to get involved and participate. At times, this has resulted in me taking on leadership roles within various organizations. Nevertheless, I don’t naturally seek out opportunities to standout in front. I sometimes feel that I should and will step out, but it always feels like an effort to do what I’m “supposed to do”.

• I enjoy my alone time. At the beginning of my time on the chief’s council, we made a lot of plans to really connect and listen to our community - we/I scheduled coffee/lunches, visited teams, and made sure we spoke with many men at various events.
  As time went on, this became harder and harder. Yes, my business did get busier so I have less time. However, if I’m being honest with myself, it became harder because I found it difficult to keep social time a priority for me.
  I felt both shame and guilt as I believe that diving into the community is an important part of being a chief. Learning my preference is helping me feel less shame.

What I will continue to work on

• Expand my curiosity. I thought I’d gotten a lot better at listening to people, and I have. Still, I sometimes jump to conclusions when I could have listened more and confirmed my understanding.
  There was a specific instance when a man consulted with me as a chief. His intention was to confirm with me about his plan of action. Instead, I took the conversation as a request for action and took over his project. I felt very bad when I found out what happened and took steps to get flat with that man. This could have been avoided if I’d stayed curious longer.
  

• Ruthless or fierce compassion. I value harmony and avoid conflict. However, to stay true to my vision and integrity, conflict is not always avoidable.
  I am learning that conflict isn’t necessarily about a break in the relationship or that I’ve failed in some way. In fact, conflicts can bring people closer when we are curious, respectful, and accepting. This involves actively listening and truly being willing to see things from their perspective without giving up our boundaries and integrity.
  Conflicts still feel bad to me but I continue to work on engaging in constructive conflicts.
  

• Completing when I wanted to. I was ready to step off the council about a year ago, having served as chief for 2 years. However, I felt obligated to stay on for the benefit of Momentum - both to space out chiefs stepping off the council as well as to wait for new chiefs ready to step on.
  I’ve continued to participate on the council over the past year, but not at the level of a chief. With the support of my team, I’ve learned that this is a form of my “nice guy” trait. I would have served myself and the men more if I had completed when I was complete. The “nice guy” syndrome can show up in many ways and I am continuing learning to recognize the signs and to take action.

Being a chief wasn’t easy and not always fun. However, I learned so much and got closer to the man I want to be through this experience. There was so much support along the way - from other chiefs and seasoned men in the community. I encourage other men in the community to step forward, take on a leadership position, and to serve. Momentum is a safe place to learn and practice being a leader if you are willing to be open and coachable.