Two Conversations that Changed My Life
By Nolan Mecham
Conversation #1
☎️ RRRinggg!!!
(me) Hello; American Contractor.
(caller) Mr. Mecham?
Yes.
This is Mrs. Scudder at East Avenue Middle School.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Scudder. How are you?
I’m fine, Mr. Mecham. Do you smoke?
Yes, I do.
Do you smoke Winston 100’s?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
And do you light them with "Fortune" wooden matches?
Yes. Let me guess ...
Mr. Mecham, Jenny was caught with …
She stole my cigarettes!
Well, yes, it would seem ...
Why, that little ...
I just wanted to get the facts before I confront her. She is waiting outside my office right now. Would you like me to call you when I’m done talking with her?
Yes, I would like that very much. I’d like to talk to her as well.
I’ll call you back in a few moments.
Thank you, Mrs. Scudder.
Conversation #2
☎️ RRRinggg!!!
(me) Hello; American Contractor.
(caller) Dad?
Hi, Jenny. What’s up?
Mrs. Scudder said you wanted to talk to me.
Yes, I did. You stole my cigarettes.
Uh, yeah.
How many times have you stolen my cigarettes?
Uh ... I don’t know.
How long have you been smoking?
A couple weeks or so.
You are too young to smoke.
I know.
Smoking will kill you.
It’ll kill you, too!
Put Up or Shut Up
These two phone conversations changed my life. I realized there was no way I could convince my eleven-year-old daughter to stay away from cigarettes as long as I smoked. Her older sisters both smoked, I smoked, my wife smoked. If I truly wanted something different for Jenny, I had to take a stand.
As I contemplated my dilemma, smoking what was to be my last cigarette, I fumed that she had pushed me to a decision I had put off for so long. I loved to smoke. I always believed I would eventually quit, but in my own time.
I was haunted by the story about the mother bringing her son to Mahatma Gandhi so he could tell the boy not to eat sugar. Gandhi said, “Come back in three days, and I will do as you ask.” When they returned, Gandhi told the boy to stop eating sugar. The mother asked the old guru why he didn’t just say it when they were there the first time. Was he testing her? “No,” he explained, “Three days ago I was still eating sugar.”
A few weeks later I asked Jenny if she was still smoking. She said no. I then asked if she had noticed that I was not smoking. She said yes, she had noticed. I told her that quitting was one of the hardest things I had ever done.
It was three weeks of pure hell and continues to be difficult. But I realized I could not be in integrity to ask my daughter to do something I was unwilling to do myself. My example carries infinitely more weight than my words.
Key Take-aways:
My youngest daughter’s surreptitious smoking was inevitable given her family’s smoking habits
If I wanted my daughter not to smoke, I had to stop smoking myself
My example is far more persuasive than my words