Why I Chose Life

By Steve Gibson

Standing in the window

Even years later, the little boy’s memory of that May day is very precise. The sky was a beautiful pastel blue with large white clouds slowly dancing across the sky while the warm sun beamed golden shafts of light all around. While standing in the window of his bedroom, his view of the German countryside was pastoral, perhaps worthy of a picture postcard. 

His was a typical military family, serving overseas quietly while living in base housing. The apartment building was somewhat isolated from the local populace but the lad traveled off base often enough to savor the feel and essence of the culture. Alien sights and smells assailed the senses.

So many beatings made me want to die

The little boy was only somewhat distracted by the beauty of the day. He had just been beaten again. Why father used a military web belt and why he was so angry, the boy has no memory after all these years. He remembers the shame of being in his room; being beaten during a family friend’s visit. He remembers that the distance between his room and their location is very short. He does not cry. He endures the blows, which are frequent, painful and shameful. There would be many more beatings and, just as painful, humiliations verbally inflicted.

Not quite high enough to kill myself

He looked downward and judged the distance from the ledge to the sub-basement, which accessed the rear of the five-story apartment complex. It was with regret that the boy realized that the second floor was not high enough to accomplish his deed. Even though the sub-basement added another ten feet, a fall at this level would result only in a broken leg, not death.

The eleven-year-old boy chose life that day as he turned away from the window and lay face down on his bed. 

So I chose life

This incident became a metaphor for my life. I chose life that day because I did not live on a higher floor. I often think of the differences my death would have made that day—the people I would not have met, the children I would not have sired, the men I would not have helped and never having had the love of the woman who now makes life very precious to me. I now choose life every day because it is sweet. 

I no longer stand in the window.

Key Take-aways:

• Even at its darkest moments, life is still worth living.

• Suicide is an all-too-permanent solution to a temporary situation.

• Don’t let life choose for you; choose life for yourself.